Don't Stop Me Now
by Lord Raa
Summary: The Lord Shinji spinoff that you masochists wanted.   Not to be taken seriously or internally.
1. Chapter 1

"Why, Dad? Why are you sending me away again?" a tearful boy asked.

Gendo Ikari towered over his eleven year old son. "Because you lack control, you are weak and worthless."

"C-control?" Shinji asked, trying to keep the tears from flowing.

"Yes. If you cannot even control your tears, what possible use could you be to me?" Gendo sneered. 'It's for the best, I can't raise a child and oversee NERV,' he told himself.

Gendo turned and left the now bawling child to his own devices, inwardly he hoped that he was making the right decision by leaving his son in the care of another.

* * *

Don't Stop Me Now

By Lord Raa

* * *

Disclaim-me-do: This is the spin-off from the "Lord Shinji" omake from "Sausages, It was a Tuesday".

This story will contain elements that are unsuitable for young people and those that fail to see the entertainment value of sexual deviancy. Do not continue past this point if a mundane concept such as bondage offends you or if you will get into trouble for reading about it in your part of the world.

It is not meant to be taken seriously, and will contain many ideas that I may have ripped off from other authors.

Thank you for taking the time to read this notice.

* * *

Part one of N

* * *

Shinji stood at the deserted train station pondering what it exactly was that his absentee father wanted him for. He checked his watch and frowned. "I thought that someone was coming to pick me up."

Having tried and failed to contact someone at NERV using a payphone, he was becoming annoyed with what he saw as a practical joke. He turned to walk away, but the earth shook with a violent tremor. Looking up the young man saw a monster striding past him as it shooed away attack VTOLs as if they were nothing more than bothersome insects.

A loud explosion made him turn his head away in time to see a blue car speeding towards him.

The passenger door opened and a purple haired woman told him to get in.

"Who are you?" Shinji demanded.

"I'm Misato Katsuragi," the driver introduced herself. "Now get in before we get killed."

Another explosion helped the woman prove her point.

Shinji scrambled into the car. "Drive!"

"You're not very friendly," Misato teased.

"Yeah, well this doesn't seem like the right place to be friendly. Get us out of danger, and I'll be as friendly as you want me to be," Shinji said coldly.

"Yes, sir," Misato mock saluted.

'This could be fun,' Shinji thought as the car hurtled off down the road. His mind wandered to the picture he'd been sent. 'She's hot, I wonder if I can get some action…'

* * *

Having managed to get to the Geo-Front entrance in one piece, Misato grumbled as she waited for the transport.

Shinji rolled his eyes as he wondered what it was that his deadbeat dad wanted him for. "Probably to say something belittling," he muttered with a knowing smile.

"What's so funny?" Misato asked when she saw the look on the young man's face.

"A private joke," Shinji dismissed the question with a wave. "So what's my old man up to these days?"

"You don't know?" the purple haired woman asked surprised with the lack of interest in something she saw as a noble endeavour.

"He abandoned me years ago," Shinji replied dryly, "what makes you think I give two tugs of a dead dog's cock about him?"

Not knowing how to respond, Misato handed the boy a booklet. "This is what we do here, Shinji."

Flicking through the document, Shinji took in some of the information. "Meh."

"'Meh'? Is that all you can say about being part of the organisation that's here to save the world?" the captain asked, getting in Shinji's face.

"Meh," Shinji repeated with a bored expression on his face.

Misato's left eye started to twitch as the transport car pulled up to them. When she turned away to drive her car on the express, Shinji allowed himself a tiny smile.

'She's going to be fun to mess with.'

* * *

Misato led the newest visitor to NERV headquarters in the direction she thought they needed to go in. Unfortunately, the Captain was still new to the facility and many corridors were virtually identical.

"You don't know where to go, do you?" Shinji asked in a tired voice.

For a moment, Misato ground her teeth in frustration. Swallowing her pride, she reached for the phone to call Dr. Akagi when the door to the lift opened.

"What the hell are you playing at Misato?" the blonde demanded. "We don't have time for this!"

Misato laughed awkwardly before introducing Shinji to her friend.

"So this is the Third Child," Ritsuko appraised the messy haired boy in front of her.

Shinji looked up. 'Not bad, not bad at all,' he noted as he took in the sight of the wetsuit under the labcoat.

"Yeah, he doesn't seem too friendly," Misato said, getting in a subtle dig.

"Oh?" Ritsuko asked as she led them to where Unit-01 was being stored.

"Meh," Shinji shrugged. "I'm bored. I thought that a trip to Tokyo-3 would be fun."

Misato faced the blue-eyed boy. "Fun? Is that all that matters to you?"

"No," Shinji answered, deliberately keeping his response vague.

Ritsuko smiled when she saw Misato's eye started to twitch.

"So then, what are we here for?" Shinji asked as he was led by the two women.

"This," Ritsuko announced as the lights were turned on. "It is the artificial life form, Evangelion."

"Ooh, purple," Shinji said in mock awe.

Now it was Ritsuko's turn to start twitching.

Gendo appeared on a walkway. "So you are here at last."

Shinji looked up at his absentee parent. "And what do you want?"

"You will pilot Unit-01."

"Why would I want to do that?"

A series of loud crashes and tremors alerted those present to the fact that the Angel was now aware of their location.

"We are under attack. If you don't pilot Unit-01, we will all die," Ritsuko explained, hoping to get the apathetic boy to do something useful.

"And?"

"What do you mean 'and'?" Ritsuko demanded. "You can't be serious!"

"What do you mean by Shinji should pilot it? It took Rei months to synchronise with her Eva," Misato shouted to the bearded man on the catwalk.

"All he has to do is sit in it."

"I still don't see why I should bother," Shinji said, his apathy sounding as loud as the Angel attack above them.

"I see. If you will not pilot, then you are of no use to me. Fuyutsuki, bring out Rei."

"Rei? But can she pilot in her condition?" asked the older man.

"She's not dead yet," Gendo reminded his former sensei.

A few moments later and Rei was wheeled out on a gurney. Shinji looked at her and saw that she was in a bad way: her right eye and right hand were bandaged up.

"Damn shame," the indifferent young man commented. "Oh well, if this is your pilot, then you're screwed."

"Please, Shinji," Ritsuko pled, "you've got to help us."

"I don't see why I should help out the old bastard. He never did anything for me," Shinji reminded his father.

Gendo's expression remained unchanged.

A thought occurred to Misato. "Shinji, you said that you thought that coming to Tokyo-3 would be fun, I think it would be if you piloted a giant robot."

"That's a valid point," Shinji conceded. "And chicks do dig pilots with battle scars. I'll do it, for now."

Misato and Ritsuko both sighed in relief.

"This way, Shinji," Ritsuko led the new pilot to the entry plug.

* * *

Shinji sat in the cockpit waiting for instructions on how to pilot this cool looking toy, when he felt something damp on his legs.

"What the bloody hell?" he shouted into the radio. "Abort, we've sprung a leak!"

"¬No, that's just the LCL. It'll directly oxygenate your blood,¬" Ritsuko explained.

"Can you do something about the blood smell? It's really off putting, you know," Shinji drawled over the communication system.

"¬I'll look into it,¬" Ritsuko lied. "¬Just breathe normally.¬"

Shinji acquiesced, but the technical staff could see that he was not happy about the situation when they observed him through the monitoring system.

"Now what do I do?" Shinji asked, his tone becoming indifferent.

"¬Standby.¬"

* * *

Gendo stood up and exited the command centre. "Prepare to launch. I'll leave you to oversee the operation, Fuyutsuki."

'He can't even be here to watch his only child fight an Angel,' the older man thought as he shook his head sadly.

"Sir," Aoba interrupted the man's rumination.

"What is it?"

"The Angel is advancing on our position, ETA 4.2 Minutes."

"Launch Unit-01!"

* * *

Shinji found himself smiling genuinely for the first time he arrived in Tokyo-3 as he was shuttled to the surface via the extensive network of tunnels.

"This is fun," he said into the comm. system, surprising the bridge crew.

"Sempai?" a confused Maya asked the blonde in the labcoat.

"Don't ask, Maya-kun," Ritsuko replied with a shrug.

"It seems that the Commander's son has a few personality quirks," Fuyutsuki mused aloud. "How is his sync ratio?"

"55 percent," Maya answered.

"On his first time in Unit-01? That's incredible," Misato was suitably impressed.

* * *

Shinji was jolted in his seat as Unit-01 came to a complete stop on the streets of Tokyo-3. "Oh, that's an interesting sensation."

He scanned the streets and saw the monstrous creature in front of him.

"Damn, that's big. Ok folks, what weapons has this thing got?"

"¬You have a Progressive Knife,¬" Ritsuko informed over the radio, "¬use that to engage the Angel in close quarters.¬"

"You have got to be shitting me," Shinji deadpanned. "You want me to attack that thing in a fist fight? Fuck Off. I'm going home."

* * *

In the NERV control room, Misato turned to her old friend. "He does have a point, you know."

"He's blowing it all out of proportion," Ritsuko insisted. "He does have other tools at his disposal."

"Like what?" Misato asked, folding her arms across her chest.

"The AT Field."

"And does he know how to use said AT Field?"

"Well, no," Ritsuko admitted. "But that's because he's not been trained to pilot Unit-01."

"¬Oi,¬" Shinji interrupted over the radio. "¬I can hear you. How do I use this ATM Field?¬"

"AT Field," Ritsuko corrected. "Just concentrate on walking."

* * *

"'Just concentrate on walking', she says," Shinji muttered angrily. "Fine, but I'm not paying for any damages."

Shinji willed the purple behemoth to slowly walk forward. It took a tentative step, the shifting weight making the ground shake.

When Unit-01 didn't plant its face on the tarmac, he smiled. "Let's see what this thing can do."

Shinji advanced on the Angel, the pace was still slow, but the posture was becoming more and more determined. It screamed "you're going down!" to those that witnessed it.

Especially when he pulled out the Progressive Knife. Testing it on a nearby building, Shinji was impressed by the way it cleanly sliced through the concrete.

"This could prove interesting after all."

The long limbed monster charged Shinji's position, catching the young man off-guard. Unit-01 was thrown back into a skyscraper, the impact knocking wind out of Shinji's lungs. It also caused the surly Ikari drop the knife.

The Angel continued its assault on the Evangelion when it picked up the slumping mech and started to impact the brain case with an energy lance.

Shinji screamed in agony as he experienced a sensation that he would later describe as a pickaxe trying to force its way into his brainpan.

Before Sachiel could strike the head again, Shinji kicked out and struck the angel squarely in the chest.

Unit-01 landed 30 metres back down the street. Shinji willed the purple giant to stand up when he saw that he was near the Progressive Knife. He picked it up and hurled it at the slumped monstrosity.

"HAVE IT!" Shinji shouted at the top of his lungs, hoping that the weapon would hit its target.

He was disheartened when he saw the knife bounce of what looked like an orange forcefield.

"Anyone got any good ideas?" he sarcastically asked his support team.

Before anyone could respond, Shinji was back under attack. Sachiel was again trying to crack open the head of Unit-01 like it was the world's largest walnut.

Shinji's next scream was a combination of pain and frustration. He focused his thoughts and willed the giant's right hand to punch through this forcefield and pierce the red sphere that was only now revealed to him.

After a few seconds, the Angel dropped Unit-01 to the ground, like a toy whose batteries had just run out.

Shinji took deep breaths for several to calm himself down. After a while, the sound of blood pumping in his ears subsided enough that he could hear Misato's voice on the radio.

"¬Shinji?¬"

"I'm here," the pilot snapped.

"¬Are you alright, Shinji?¬"

"You said that this was supposed to be fun," Shinji reminded the Tactical Operations Officer. "I may have to have a chat with someone."

"¬We weren't expecting the battle to end like this,¬" Misato apologised.

"Whatever, just get me out of here, I need a piss."

* * *

An hour and a half later, Shinji sat in a room with Misato, Ritsuko and Fuyutsuki debriefing him on his sortie.

"That went well," the purple haired woman smiled at Shinji.

"Yes," Ritsuko agreed, hoping to use positive reinforcement with the pilot. "But we need to train you to raise your sync ratio for future missions."

"You assume that I'll pilot it again," Shinji casually mentioned.

Ritsuko frowned. "But don't you want to save the world?"

"Why would I want to go through that again?" Shinji asked.

"But you have to help us, or humanity is finished," Misato insisted.

"I don't think I could ever love anyone enough to go through that shit again," Shinji scoffed. He stood to leave. "If you ever need a giant robot piloting, call someone else."

"Wait, Shinji," the grey haired man called out. "What would it take to keep you here as a pilot?"

Shinji paused. 'At last they start negotiating.' "I'm listening."

"We'll pay you, handsomely of course."

"Keep going," Shinji gestured with his hand.

"You'll get that warm fuzzy feeling that you only get from saving the people of the world," Misato added.

"Screw those jerks."

The NERV staff frowned.

"Are you doing this to spite your father?" Ritsuko asked, reaching out to Shinji.

"That might be part of my reasoning. Another part is it's a fucking nightmare in that cockpit. You do know that I feel pain when that hunk of junk takes damage, don't you?"

"Yes," Fuyutsuki nodded. "It's the only way we can get it to respond quickly enough to use it in combat."

"And you also neglected to mention that fact before I got in," Shinji pointed angrily at the two women.

"But we need your help, Shinji," Misato pouted cutely at the surly young man. "Is there anything I can do to convince you to pilot Eva again?"

"Well, now that you mention it," Shinji grinned evilly. "How much were you thinking of when you said I'd be paid 'handsomely'? Taking home 250,000 yen a week?"

Misato's eyes bulged out. "That's what I take home a month!"

"Yeah, but your job doesn't entail being smacked around by monsters the size of buildings and you can be replaced," Shinji smirked. "And I want a red sports car."

"But you can't drive, you're only 14," Ritsuko reminded the pilot.

"Oh, I can pilot a death machine that's part of a trillion dollar defence programme, but I can't drive a convertible? That makes plenty of sense," Shinji mocked before continuing with the terms of his employment. "I want a three bedroom apartment and a cute PA to organise all my appointments. I get to skip school whenever I feel like it. I want to know everything about these 'Angels' since it's my ass on the line. I don't deal with the bearded asshole. And I don't do PR bullshit."

"We'll have to look into these requests," Fuyutsuki said. He wasn't expecting them to be so unreasonable. "Why don't you get something to eat in the cafeteria while I discuss them with the Commander?"

"I'll expect to see someone there in half an hour, either to give me the good news or to help me find my way out of this place," Shinji said as he turned to leave.

* * *

Gendo sat in his office as he digested his son's demands as relayed to him by his subordinate.

"Knowledge of the Angels must be tightly controlled, Sensei. Give him the basics –height, weight and armament of this one. Tell him that since it's not much, he may sit in on the planning sessions instead. The others can be delayed until Rei is well enough to pilot and the Second Child arrives with Unit-02, then we can discipline the Third Child. In the mean time, have him sort something out for his accommodation, I really don't care where he stays."

"I'll let him know," Fuyutsuki nodded.

* * *

Misato stood drinking coffee and discussing Shinji with her old friend, Ritsuko.

"What is with that attitude of his?" the purple haired woman asked with an angry tone.

"Shinji? Well, he was abandoned by his father," Ritsuko explained. "You've got to expect some level of emotional dysfunction."

"Emotional dysfunction?" Misato repeated in disbelief. "Is that what you call a mix of apathy and arrogance?"

"That's pretty much the norm for teenagers, Misato," Ritsuko sighed. "And his sync ratio was 55 percent. Rei's isn't that high yet. As much of a pain in the ass as he is, we need him."

"That doesn't mean I have to like him," Misato reminded the blonde before draining her mug.

"True. But don't you think that he might be cute in a few years?" Ritsuko teased.

"Assuming that he develops some charm."

"I hardly think that you're a good judge of character, Misato. Remind me again who your boyfriend was in college?"

Misato froze. "Oh shit, we've got a Kaji in the making."

"What makes you say that?" asked Ritsuko. "Is there something you know about Shinji that I don't?"

"Look, Ritsuko, I know a womaniser when I see one."

"I'll give you that, but you've got to admit, there's something about his confidence that's rather appealing," Ritsuko smiled. "If he were closer our age, I might ask him out for a drink."

"What are you like, Ritsuko?" Misato shook her head. "When was the last time you had sex?"

"Good sex? Or just someone to keep my bed warm?" Ritsuko rubbed the bridge of her nose sadly.

"Sorry, Ritsuko," Misato winced when she realised she'd hit a sore spot. "If it makes you feel any better, I've not had anything good for a while, either."

"Actually, it does," Ritsuko smiled. "Here's the Sub-Commander, let's see what he's got to say about Shinji."

"The Commander has decided to agree to the Third child's demands. Captain Katsuragi, would you please inform him, Dr. Akagi, I would like a word in private."

"Yes, sir."

Ritsuko led the older man to a secluded part of the break room.

"Sir?"

"Revealing everything we know about the Angels is out of the question. However, since we still need him, Shinji will sit in on all briefings and planning sessions that will have a direct bearing on him," Fuyutsuki relayed Gendo's orders.

"What about his demands for a car and apartment?"

"Unfortunately, I fear that there may be unavoidable delays for those," the grey haired man winked.

"I see, sir. Well, I had better make sure that Misato isn't trying to kill Shinji."

* * *

Shinji sat in the NERV cafeteria as he watched the purple haired captain walk towards him. He was reminded of one of his teachers during his stay in Neo-Osaka.

"I wonder what Uncle Happi would say about her," the pilot said to himself.

"Who's Uncle Happi?" Misato asked, curious as to what made Shinji the way he was.

"He was the person who taught me a great many things," Shinji smiled fondly. "So what did the old bastard say about my conditions?"

"He agreed to them," Misato answered. "Why don't you try to get along better with your father?"

"Because he abandoned me, twice. The first time was when my mother had just died," Shinji explained. "I was four at the time."

"Ah."

"Don't worry about it," Shinji waved dismissively. "Anyway, I'm pretty sure that we got off on the wrong foot. Awkward circumstances and all that. So I would like to apologise for being rude to you earlier."

"Turning on the charm already?" Misato teased.

"Well, yeah. No sense in upsetting such an important person," Shinji smiled suavely.

Misato rolled her eyes at the blatant come-on. She was saved from having to say something to Shinji by the arrival of Ritsuko and Fuyutsuki.

"Shinji, we've agreed to your terms," the grey haired man said as he stopped two metres from the pilot.

"Good. Now where am I staying?" Shinji asked as he stood up.

"About that," Fuyutsuki interrupted. "We will need to look at suitable properties for you, so for the interim, we have arranged for you to stay here at the NERV barracks."

"I'd rather not stay in what looks like a prison. Any other options?"

"We do need to keep you safe and contactable at anytime, so how about you move in with a NERV employee," the old man offered.

"Hmm, ok," Shinji nodded. "I suppose that since this thing came out of the blue, you never know when the next is going to turn up. So who am I bunking with?"

"I just moved here myself, so I can't help you," Misato answered quickly in an attempt to not have to deal with the arrogant boy outside of NERV.

"I see," Fuyutsuki nodded, "Well then, you could move in with me."

"Don't you think that your neighbours will be a little suspicious if you bring home a 14 year old boy as part of your job?" Shinji's refusal could have been worded better.

The bottle-blonde stared at Shinji, shocked at the pilot's gall. "I suppose that since it's only a temporary thing, I could put you up."

"Thanks for volunteering, Ritsuko," Misato smiled brightly.

"Yes," Ritsuko drawled, "I suppose that it would best if you didn't live in the bombsite that Misato calls an apartment."

Misato's lovely face twitched at the barb. "Ritsuko, I do hope that your cats have been cured of their incontinence. What was the cause, your heavy smoking?"

The scientist glared daggers at her friend.

Shinji just found the whole scene amusing until he yawned. "Shall we set off? I have had a long day, you know."

"Yes, let's go, Shinji," Ritsuko said as she ushered the pilot out of the cafeteria.

* * *

The drive to Ritsuko's apartment was a surprisingly quiet one, but that was because of the fact that Shinji had fallen asleep in the passenger seat. Parking neatly in her assigned spot, the blonde gently shook the pilot awake.

"Shinji, wake up, we're at my place."

"Hmm?" Shinji grunted as he rubbed his eyes. "Sorry, I dozed off there. I guess that your driving just isn't the rollercoaster that Misato's is."

Ritsuko smiled. "Come, let's get you inside."

After a short walk, Shinji was led to Ritsuko's apartment. When the scientist opened the door, Shinji was able to look inside. There was a definite feline motif to the blonde's décor, though the place didn't smell.

"Welcome," the blonde smiled at Shinji.

* * *

To be continued…

Well, this chapter that was pre-read by Chi Vayne probably was a bit of a let down for those of you that were expecting a veritable orgy of sexual deviancy.

That's a damn shame.

I'm not looking to put NC–17/ X rated content in this story, if only because it would cheapen it.

Ha ha, fooled you. Nothing could cheapen this story any further.

I'm sure that you many of you have questions about all sorts of things. I may have some answers for you soon, I might not. It's all up to the whims of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. May you all be touched by His Noodly Appendage.

Next time, Shinji continues to annoy people. And maybe starts to become the person you started reading this crap for.

Or, of course, I could write something else.

Until laterer comes.


	2. Part 2

Don't Stop Me Now

By Lord Raa

* * *

Disclaim-me-do: Rum, sodomy and the lash? Sounds like a typical Thursday night for Lord Shinji.

* * *

Part two of N

* * *

Shinji sat down at the dinner table in Ritsuko's apartment. The pilot noted that while the food was simple, it was home cooked.

His decision to move in with the blonde seemed vindicated when he was told of Misato's cooking skills.

"I'm sorry for keeping you up," Ritsuko apologised when she saw Shinji yawn.

"Bah, I'm sorry for not being as entertaining as I could be. I'll tell you what, since you cooked dinner, I'll make breakfast and we can talk to our hearts' content."

"That sounds good to me," the blonde nodded, stifling a yawn of her own.

* * *

Shinji woke with the breaking of dawn. He felt suitably refreshed after his ordeal from the previous day. As he stretched, he thought about the blonde in the next room.

"She's pretty hot," Shinji recalled with a smile.

He finished with his morning exercises, grabbed some fresh clothes and made his way to what he thought was the bathroom.

Pushing open the door to his left, Shinji blinked as his eyes were drawn to the room's dominating feature.

"Looks like I underestimated her," the reluctant pilot smirked as he studied the prone form on the bed.

Ritsuko smiled faintly as she shifted on her bed, the movement causing the sheets to slide off and reveal more of her body.

The sexy scientist had an interesting taste in sleepwear, the sheer red negligee allowing Shinji to see many contours of the woman's shapely body. And though they were covered, he could clearly see that Ritsuko's nipples were erect.

Knowing what happened when his Uncle Happi was caught peeping, Shinji decided that he could always get another look tonight and left the sleeping blonde to her pleasant dreams.

* * *

Half an hour later, Ritsuko was woken up by the sounds and smells of someone cooking breakfast in her apartment.

Her brain took a moment to realise that she didn't have an intruder, but a roommate that was making good on his deal to cook breakfast.

Looking down at herself, she decided that dressing before eating with her teenaged male guest would be a good idea.

Quickly throwing on a navy skirt that ended mid-thigh and a white angora sweater, Ritsuko checked her appearance in the mirror.

"I need my roots doing," she idly noted as she ran a brush through her hair. Satisfied that she was decent, Ritsuko exited her room.

"Good morning, Dr. Akagi," Shinji greeted from the kitchenette. "Breakfast'll be ready in a few minutes, so why don't you have a cup of coffee?"

"What makes you think I wanted coffee?" Ritsuko asked as she walked up to the young man.

"The fact that you have quality coffee here and a lack of decent tea in the cupboard," Shinji grinned back.

"Fair enough," Ritsuko shrugged. "What are we having?"

"Rice, miso soup and some fish that looked like it was about to grow fur," Shinji answered. "You really should clean out your fridge more often."

"Yeah, well I do have a job with odd hours," the faux blonde said in an unpleasant tone.

"And I have one that means risking my life in a giant purple death machine," Shinji countered. "Let's not talk about work over breakfast; I'm sure we'll have plenty of chances to do that later. Did you sleep well?"

"I did," Ritsuko nodded. She poured herself a cup of coffee and sat down.

"So then, Shinji-kun, tell me about yourself. I hear that you spent the last three years in Neo-Osaka."

"That I did," Shinji agreed as he dished up breakfast. "I was more than a little upset at the time and I asked a few people about improving myself."

"You took up martial arts?"

Shinji shook his head. "No, but I did learn a few tricks from a master." 'And not just how to handle myself in a fight,' he added silently.

Ritsuko took a bit of her breakfast. "Hmm, very not bad. Do you have any skills other than cooking?"

"One or two," Shinji smiled. "Though, I don't think that they're suitable for discussion over breakfast. Perhaps with the exception of shiatsu massage."

"I haven't had a good massage for ages," Ritsuko smiled wistfully.

"The first one's free of charge, finish your breakfast and we can begin," Shinji said before tucking into his own meal. "Assuming you want to, that is."

Ritsuko glanced at the clock on the wall. "I suppose we have some time before we have to go to NERV. How long does a standard massage last?"

"That depends," Shinji said before chewing his food for a moment.

"On what?" Ritsuko asked, getting a feeling that Shinji was up to something.

"On how much I like touching the lady. Normally it's 30 minutes, but in your case, I might extend it."

"Maybe I'll pass," Ritsuko rolled her eyes at the pilot's flirtation.

"Suit yourself," Shinji shrugged. "I was highly sought after at the massage parlour where I worked."

"You worked in a massage parlour? I thought that only young women worked in that kind of place. You weren't… you know?" Ritsuko asked, aghast that a young man would work in such an environment.

"No, I wasn't," Shinji said, his voice completely serious. "My boss only had to threaten one person for trying something like that with me when I was on the clock."

"Dare I ask about that?" Ritsuko wondered aloud.

"Not over breakfast," Shinji smiled warmly. "You want a massage or not?"

Ritsuko glanced at the clock again. "Better not, I've got a lot of work to do today. Best get there early to get a head start. Thanks for breakfast, Shinji-kun."

"No worries," Shinji waved off the thanks. "What are we doing about dinner?"

"Take out?" Ritsuko offered. "I looked at what I need to do today and I don't think I'm going to be up for cooking."

"Far enough. One last question," Shinji said standing up to clear the table.

"Yes?" Ritsuko asked as she handed her dishes to her roommate.

"What am I going to be doing today?"

"What do you want to do?" Ritsuko asked, sipping her coffee. "Good coffee, by the way."

"Thanks," Shinji nodded. "I was tempted to try out school over here, but I do want to know more about this Eva dooberryfirkin."

"I see," Ritsuko drawled.

"Meh, I'll go into NERV today and go to school tomorrow. Give the system a chance to catch up with the paperwork," Shinji announced.

"Is that your only reason?"

"Well," Shinji smiled, "I suppose that there is something else."

"And are you going to tell me what it is?" Ritsuko asked, setting her cup on the table.

"If I told you, you'd slap me," the young Ikari winked.

"What are you like, Shinji?" Ritsuko shook her head, but there was a smile on her face.

* * *

'I'd definitely tap that ass,' Shinji noted when he saw his roommate get in the car for their drive into NERV.

"So then Shinji, what sort of music do you like?" Ritsuko asked as she started the engine.

"Why? Are you planning on trying to get me to do an exotic dance for you?" Shinji asked with an insufferable smirk.

"Shinji!" the blonde admonished. "What kind of woman do you think I am?"

"A sexy one that knows what she wants," the pilot shrugged.

Ritsuko blinked.

"What? Weren't you expecting me to say that?" Shinji asked in an innocent voice.

"Well, no, not really," the driver admitted. "And you shouldn't say that sort of thing, Shinji. I don't want people to get the wrong idea about us."

"And just what would be the right idea?" Shinji asked, turning to watch the scenery pass by.

"That we're co-workers at NERV and that there's nothing sexual between us," Ritsuko replied through gritted teeth. 'I'm beginning to see why Misato doesn't like him.'

"Fair enough, but if you ever want me to show you a good time, then give me a call," the young man said with a yawn.

"What's up, didn't you get much sleep last night?"

"No, I just get bored easily," Shinji said as he scratched the back of his head. "Do I get a cool uniform now that I'm a pilot?"

"We developed some clothing to assist in piloting the Evangelions. I think you'll like it, since it'll show off your manly physique," Ritsuko said with a sarcastic smile.

* * *

At NERV, Shinji strolled around and noted that there seemed to be a greater number of women than men working there.

'Excellent,' he thought with a tiny, yet lecherous grin. 'Ah, there's that hottie, Misato.'

Misato was trying her best to ignore the newest addition to the NERV workforce, if only for her sanity. "I hate that brat," she muttered under her breath as he walked up to her.

"Hi, Shinji-kun," the purple haired woman greeted with a forced smile.

"Hi, Misato, how badly damaged is the Eva?" the pilot asked with an unexpected sincerity.

Misato blinked, but quickly regained her composure. "Not too bad, the cracks on the brain casing mean that we need to replace it, but aside from that, a quick coat of paint and it should be ready to go."

"Cool," Shinji nodded. "That reminds me, do I get some kind of uniform? Ritsuko said something about it showing off my manly physique."

Misato frowned. "Is Ritsuko making passes at you?"

"No, not at all," Shinji insisted truthfully.

"I see," the Captain nodded dubiously. "Well, I've got to go see Ritsuko. Try not to cause any trouble while I'm gone."

"I do or I do not," Shinji smirked as the buxom beer drinker left the room. "There is no try."

* * *

Striding into Dr. Akagi's office, Misato angrily pointed at her college friend.

"What the hell do you mean by 'Shinji's manly physique'?" the Tactical Officer demanded. "What have you been doing to him?"

Ritsuko blinked and flinched at the unexpected outburst. "What are you gibbering about now, Misato?"

"I was talking with Shinji, and it seems that you've been appraising his body," Misato growled. "I know your tastes are a bit more cosmopolitan than mine, Ritsuko, but a 14 year-old-boy?"

"I did no such thing!" the blonde protested. "All I did was pander to his ego when he asked about his uniform on the drive in."

"So you haven't made any passes at Shinji?"

Ritsuko met Misato's steely-eyed glare. "No. If anything, he's been making passes at me. He even offered me a massage over breakfast!"

The Captain's glare softened considerably when she decided that her old friend was telling the truth. "Sorry, Ritsuko, it's just that everything's is so hectic around here. I've hardly had the chance to settle in and we've got Angel attacks and our only weapon is some obnoxious brat."

"I know, Misato," Ritsuko placed a reassuring hand on her purple haired friend's shoulder. "Let's go get some coffee."

As the two women left the office, they saw Shinji walking around with a lost look on his face.

"Is something the matter, Shinji-kun?" asked Ritsuko. "You look lost."

"I think I am. The thing is I'm not sure where I want to go," Shinji admitted with a small shrug.

"Well, we're going for coffee," Misato replied. "You want one?"

The pilot nodded. "Don't mind if I do."

* * *

The trio chatted as they drank their coffee. Shinji in particular was turning on the charm, though it was amazingly subtle compared to what Misato was used to.

"So there I was, bawling my eyes out, when this wrinkled gnome bounces round the corner and asks me 'what's the matter?'" Shinji recalled his anecdote with a smile. "I'm still in tears from El Bastardo telling me that I'm worthless, so I can barely manage a coherent sentence. I mumble something about lacking control, and he offers to help me."

"Who was he?" Ritsuko asked, taking a sip of her coffee.

"Happosai, he's some kind of martial arts master that offered to make me his heir, but still feeling down, I said something like 'I'm not worth the effort' and he nodded as he agreed."

"What a bastard!" Misato snorted.

"Yeah, but he did say that if I wanted control, he'd teach me a few tricks. One of which was how to throw a punch," Shinji explained. "A while later, I was walking back from school, when I saw Uncle Happi running from some men in black suits. He hid behind me and I one of these men, an actually yakuza thug, yells at me to give up the old man. I was about to when I felt a prodding in my back and neck. I was slightly out of it until I heard a knife blade pop out.

"Then I swung wildly at them."

Misato and Ritsuko leant in, held by the pilot's words.

"Were you hurt at all?" asked Ritsuko.

"They kicked my ass so badly, I was pissing blood for three days," Shinji answered as he rubbed his face. "But, because one of them told their boss about what happened, he visited me in hospital."

"You were visited by a yakuza boss?" Ritsuko asked suspiciously.

"Well, not a big boss, but he had control over a few blocks and he was in charge of where I lived. Anyway, I asked him what he wanted and he asked why I interfered. I replied that it was because of Uncle Happi was defenceless, and he laughed. He asked about my family, and when I told him what the score was, he offered to look after me."

"Why was he after your Uncle Happi?" Misato asked, wondering what sort of people Shinji associated with.

"He wasn't. Well, not trying to kill him," Shinji clarified. "It turns out that Uncle Happi was being used as a training aid for tracking people down and that he knew the boss well."

Ritsuko shook her head sadly at what she assumed to be a tall tale.

Shinji pretended not to notice the blonde's dismissal of his life story and steered the conversation on to NERV personnel and its work. "So what's my bearded clam of a father up to these days?"

Ritsuko sniggered as Misato choked on her coffee.

"Are you alright, Misato-san?" the pilot asked.

"Yes, sorry about that, I wasn't expecting you to call your dad that," the purple haired woman answered, wiping her mouth with a napkin. "You really hate him, don't you?"

"You know the Amazon Rainforest?" Shinji laughed. "Well, it's got these tiny fish that have been known to swim up penises. I hope that a whole school of them decide to migrate up his while a rumpus of enraged, rabid baboons tear him limb from limb."

Misato's eyes shot open at the candour Shinji displayed, especially when she saw that the man in question was with earshot.

"What? Is he behind me or something? Well I'll just say it louder and to his face," the Third Child said standing up. Stepping away from his seat Shinji angrily pointed a finger at his absentee parent. "Old Man, you're a complete cocksucker and I hope you die a horrible death!"

The entire occupants of the NERV cafeteria stopped what they were doing and turned to face the direction of the abuse that the Commander was receiving.

"Is that all you have to say, Pilot Ikari?" the bearded man asked, somehow managing to keep his cool.

"No, I've got more abuse for you if anyone wants to hear it."

"Your opinion of me is of no concern. Only your ability to pilot Unit-01," Gendo replied sternly before leaving to meet with Fuyutsuki.

Misato looked at Ritsuko, who could only shrug in response to the scene that had unfolded before them.

"Shinji, you really should-" the Captain started.

"Don't, Misato," the disobedient teen raised a hand to halt the lecture before it started. "That bastard told me I'm worthless three years ago, but somehow in the intervening years, I've acquired value. He is up to something – I don't know what, and I'm not sure I want to know, but he knows more about what's going on here than he's letting on."

"Such a cynical attitude, in one so young," Ritsuko mused sadly.

"If he wanted a reunion, he would have sent the letter, and not Misato-san." Shinji countered. "I'm many things, but a complete muppet isn't one of them."

The scientist and soldier finished their drinks in a solemn silence, when they placed their empty mugs on the table; Shinji said something to take their mind of his comments.

"Let's get me measured up for my new uniform."

"Ok, Shinji-kun," Ritsuko nodded.

* * *

Ritsuko opened a cupboard near the locker rooms. "Shinji-kun, what size are you – small, medium or large?"

"Let's try a medium," the teenager shrugged.

The blonde handed the pilot a cellophane wrapped bundle. "Here."

"I thought these things were going to be custom made."

"That would be more trouble than it's worth, Shinji," Ritsuko replied. "You're still growing and if there're no plugsuits that fit you since your last growth spurt, then your abilities will be diminished."

"So this isn't just fetish-wear?"

"No," Misato answered.

Shinji infuriated the Captain. On the one hand, he had a few issues with his father that she could understand, but on the other, the kid was marking himself out as a necessary evil.

The pilot entered the locker room and changed into the blue and white plastic/vinyl one piece suit.

"Interesting, this isn't going to chafe when I get sweaty, is it?" Shinji asked sarcastically as he exited the room to where Ritsuko and Misato stood.

"You think that's bad?" Misato smirked, "try this."

The purple haired woman activated the control on the left wrist.

A hiss of air surprised the young man as his suit became almost skin-tight.

"No sir, I don't like," Shinji quoted a pre-impact cartoon. He stretched a little to check the range of movement he'd have.

"Maybe it won't be so bad. Hey, are you two enjoying the view?" Shinji asked facing the women in mid toe-touch.

"Yes, no," Ritsuko shook her head. "Stop that, that's not funny!"

"Yeah, Shinji, we're not perverts here at NERV!" Misato scolded.

"Really? Then why is it that your pilot, a 14 year-old-boy, has to wear skin-tight fetish-wear?" the pilot asked with a smirk. "You two might not be deviants, but someone, somewhere in NERV is."

The two women frowned when they considered Shinji's words.

"Don't worry, I'll still wear this outfit if you need me to pilot," the young Ikari smiled. "Speaking of which, how goes the search for my apartment?"

"What? Don't you like staying with me, Shinji-kun?" Ritsuko asked in mock hurt.

"Not at all, Ritsuko-san," Shinji grinned. "I was just concerned that you might get embarrassed if you walked in while I had morning wood."

"Please," the faux blonde snorted, "it's not like a teenager's erection holds that much mystery or appeal for me."

"You haven't seen me naked," the arrogant teen smirked. "We can change that if you like."

"How can you two carry on like that?" a blushing Misato stammered.

"Misato-san, it's all harmless fun until I decide otherwise. Let's be honest here," Shinji said as he gestured to his roommate, "Ritsuko-san is a very attractive woman and it's natural for men to flirt with pretty ladies."

"But don't you find it disturbing for a virgin to be such a natural at it?" the Captain asked.

"I suppose I would," the pilot nodded. "By the way, what make you think I'm a virgin?"

"The fact that you're 14, Shinji-kun," Ritsuko dryly added, coming to her friend's aid.

"Pfft," Shinji snorted as he shook his head, "I've lost count of the times I've had sex over the last two years. You can thank Uncle Happi for that."

Misato and Ritsuko's faces fell.

"Don't look at me like that, you two, I've never had sex with a man. Call me old fashioned, but I prefer jiggly parts as opposed to dangly parts. By the way, nice cheesecake shot you sent me, Misato-san," Shinji added, pulling out the picture the purple haired woman had sent him.

Misato tried to snatch the photo away, but succeeded in only smacking her hand against the wall. "Shit!"

Ritsuko, however, managed to get a good look at the image. She turned to her friend. "Care to explain, Misato?"

"Aww, is Ritsuko-chan jealous?" Shinji teased. "I'll leer at you, too, if you want."

Ritsuko's left eye started to twitch. "No thanks, Shinji-kun, I'm good."

"Meh," the pilot shrugged, "your loss. You all right, Misato-san?"

The Captain was clearly in pain as she tried to rub he hand better.

"Here," Shinji said with an honest smile, "let me take a look."

"I don't think so," Misato said, pulling her had way from the pilot.

"Look, there's no harm in letting me look at your hand, is there? I do know a few things about the human body," the young Ikari said in a sincere tone. "Ritsuko-san's here to chaperone me if I do anything improper."

Sighing in defeat, the buxom soldier offered her injured hand to the plugsuit clad young man.

Shinji ran his fingers over the appendage as he examined it closely. "I think you just bruised the knuckle. This should help you relax a little, too."

Misato took in a sharp breath as the pilot put some pressure on her bruised hand, but that soon turned into a soft moan of pleasure as Shinji worked his magic.

"Ooh, that feels good," the Captain smiled.

Shinji grinned as he worked the whole hand, from fingers to the wrist. "See the look on Misato-san's face? That's why I was highly sought after."

"What do you mean?" Misato asked, slightly upset that her massage had now stopped.

"Shinji-kun used to work in a massage parlour," Ritsuko explained.

"If you thought that felt good, imagine what 'The Works' is like," the pilot winked at Misato.

The beer drinking woman nodded absently as she flexed her hand.

Dr. Akagi's phone beeped, alerting her to a new text message. Reading it, she frowned. 'Gendo's in the mood for sex.'

"Is something wrong, Ritsuko-san?" Shinji asked, noting the look on his roommate's face.

"No, I've just got to deal with something that's just come up. I'll catch you later," the blonde said, giving a false smile as she left to deal with the Commander's sudden need.

"So, now what do we do?" Shinji asked, suddenly feeling slightly bored. "Hey, can I visit that girl who the Bearded Clam wanted to pilot instead of me?"

"Visit Rei?" Misato asked as she came down from her mild high. "Yeah, I guess we could."

* * *

Rei was alerted to the presence of visitors by the knocking on her hospital room door.

"Enter," she replied in a weak voice.

"Hi, Rei," Misato smiled as she poked her head around the door. "How're you doing?"

"I am recovering," the blue haired girl answered.

"That's good. I've brought you a visitor. Say hello, Shinji."

"Howdy," Shinji greeted with a smile.

"You are the Third Child, Shinji Ikari," Rei noted. "I am glad that you agreed to pilot Unit-01."

"I'm sure that everyone who's alive is, too," the young Ikari grinned. "So, when are they letting you out of here?"

"Why are you interested in that?"

"You're pretty cute," Shinji explained, "and I don't like seeing cute girls in hospital."

Misato thought about this new development. 'It's nice that Shinji is interested in someone his own age, but it does hurt to be discarded for a newer model after less than a day.'

"You are interested in spending time with me?" Rei asked her good eye unblinking.

"Yeah," the Third Child nodded. "Like I said, you're cute. I know that we've known each other for less than five minutes, but I can tell that there's something special about you that I like. I don't know what it is yet, but I'll find out."

"I hope you're not expecting Rei to put out on your dates, Shinji," the purple haired woman teased.

"Well, I normally go for older women. They know what they're doing in bed," Shinji teased back.

"Really?" Misato asked in a suspicious tone.

"Yeah, something I picked up from my on the job training as a manwhore," the pilot smirked.

Misato's mouth dropped open.

"I'm kidding, Misato," Shinji said, shaking his head. "I'm 14, I'd be a rent-boy, not a manwhore."

Now the colour drained from the Captain's face.

"Captain Katsuragi," Rei interrupted. "I do not believe that Pilot Ikari is being entirely truthful."

"What makes you say that, Rei?" Misato asked, turning to the injured pilot.

"I… feel it," the blue haired girl replied. "I cannot explain it any further than that."

"And what if I told you that I could show you the best time you've ever had?" Shinji smiled as he leant against the wall.

Misato rolled her eyes at Shinji's flirtation.

"What do you mean?" Rei asked in confusion.

"I'm talking about making you feel good. REAL good," the young Ikari winked.

"Are you referring to intimacy of a sexual nature?"

"I wasn't expecting you big city women to be so coy," Shinji said in a slightly sad tone. "I mean, back in Osaka, I had a three in a bed romp with twin sisters for my 13th birthday present."

"That is something that I have little doubt of," Rei commented in her usual monotone. "Captain Katsuragi, I have not had much contact with people outside of my duties here at NERV, is Pilot Ikari's behaviour out of the ordinary?"

"Shinji is… special," Misato answered with a small frown.

Rei turned to face the Captain. "In what way?"

Misato's frown disappeared for a moment when she recalled how Shinji had made her feel by touching her hand.

The male pilot noticed that the purple haired woman was looking at the hand she hit the wall with and walked up to the bed.

"Rei, give me your hand."

The blue haired girl blinked, but did as requested.

"Tell me if you like this," Shinji smiled as he massaged the injured pilot's left hand from the tips of her fingers to the joint of her wrist.

Rei's facial expression didn't change, but her body language did.

"Hey!" Misato shouted. "Her pulse has skyrocketed!"

Ayanami's breathing had become more shallow and rapid as Shinji continued to work his magic until a soft moan came forth from her pale lips.

"Do you like that, Rei?"

"Y-yes," Rei answered, her cheeks flushed. "I have never experienced anything like that before, what was that?"

"That's something for you to discover, Rei," Shinji winked. "We'll let you get some rest."

Misato having correctly assumed that Shinji had brought the girl to orgasm stood up, glad that she didn't have to answer the blue haired pilot's question.

* * *

To be continued…

This chapter was pre-read by Chi Vayne. Did you like it?

Do you have any questions or comments? If so, you know what to do.

Until laterer comes.


	3. Installment 3

Don't Stop Me Now

By Lord Raa

* * *

Disclaim-me-do: It's not my fault I'm a talentless hack.

* * *

Part 3 (of XXX)

* * *

Shinji walked beside Misato down the corridor. He wore a small smirk when he noticed the slightly confused look on the purple haired lovely's face.

"Is something wrong, Misato-san?"

"Yeah, no, I don't know. What the hell did you do to Rei back there?" the Captain demanded as she faced the pilot. "I know what happened to Rei, but how did you do that to her?"

"I merely touched certain sensitive points on her hand," Shinji replied with a teasing smile. "You do know that there are many erogenous zones on the human body don't you, Captain Katsuragi?"

"Yes," Misato replied through gritted teeth. "What I want to know is how come a FOURTEEN year old boy knows about that sort of thing?"

Shinji looked around. "This place is a little too public. Is there anywhere we can go for more privacy?"

"Follow me."

* * *

Ritsuko was not enjoying her time with Gendo. She never did care for being taken roughly from behind, the Commander's preferred position.

She grimaced when the bearded man called out "YUI!"

"Can't you even call me by MY name?" she muttered under her breath.

Gendo pulled out and adjusted his glasses. "That will be all, Dr. Akagi."

The callous man departed, leaving the unsatisfied woman to wonder if she should at least be seeing some money on the bed.

* * *

Shinji sat in a secluded area that Misato had led him to. "You promise not to tell anyone about this?"

The Captain nodded.

"Ok, where do you me to start?" the pilot asked, resting his chin in his palm.

"Just how many people have you slept with?"

"I don't know, I haven't been keeping score," Shinji admitted. "I always thought those that did that sort of thing were braggarts or liars. It's all so gauche, don't you think?"

Misato wasn't expecting that answer. "Err, ok, what else… who taught how to do that hand thing?"

"Uncle Happi did, he thought it would help me in my job at the massage parlour. No, I wasn't joking earlier– I did work in a massage parlour. No, I didn't pimp out my body, but yes I did enjoying touching pretty ladies," the young Ikari informed his commanding officer.

"What sort of service did you provide?"

"I helped the pretty ladies relax by redirecting their ki flows," Shinji explained. "Knotted muscles, bruises, and other problems can block the flow of ki, though it's not something that just anybody can do. It helps to know which nerve cluster does what in relation to the big picture, and that's what you need an experienced teacher for."

"And you expect me to believe that?" Misato asked, folding her arms.

"You felt what I did to your hand," the arrogant boy smirked. "And you saw what I did to Rei. Would you like another demonstration?"

"Yes," the Captain answered without thoroughly thinking her plan through.

Shinji's smirk changed into a smile as he reached out and asked for Misato's hand. "Just be thankful that Uncle Happi's not here."

"Why?" Misato asked as she enjoyed the hand massage Shinji was giving her.

"He'd have run off with your panties before you noticed the draft."

"That's not possible," the purple haired woman scoffed. "I'm a trained soldier."

Shinji's smirk reappeared. "Really? Are these yours?"

Misato blinked as a small piece of black fabric was pushed into her hands. "Whose are these?"

"Aren't you feeling a draft about now?"

"HOW THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT!" the enraged woman demanded as she grabbed Shinji by the collar of his shirt.

"That's nothing," Shinji grinned.

Now Misato was face to face with the bra that she had put on that morning. The young Ikari gulped as he saw the voluptuous woman windup to discipline him by the way of a black eye.

"YOU LITTLE PEVERT!"

Reacting on instinct, Shinji lashed out and hit a series of pressure points that stopped the furious captain in her tracks.

"Here, try this," the pilot's smirk returned in full force as he slipped behind Misato and gave the purple haired woman what felt a bit like a massage.

"Now tell me it doesn't make you feel good," he whispered into her left ear.

Misato could only whimper in response.

"I'm not going to take advantage of you, Misato-san," Shinji reassured her. "Tell me, are you feeling good yet?"

"Y-yes," Misato nodded weakly as Shinji continued to work her back, starting with her neck and shoulders. "Ooh… that feels soooo good."

"Can you see why people paid good money for my services?" the part time masseuse asked with a teasing whisper.

The purple haired woman moaned in response and slumped backwards against the pilot, forcing him to react quickly to stop her sliding to the floor.

"Careful now, anyone would think you're drunk on duty, Captain Katsuragi," a female voice warned sternly.

The pair in the inappropriate embrace looked to see Ritsuko standing in the doorway.

"Oh, hi there, Ritsuko-san. How did your important meeting go?" Shinji asked, his finely honed pervert senses picking up on a number of things.

"Fine," the faux-blonde lied. "Now would either of you care to explain why Misato is in your arms like that?"

"I was showing her some of my skills," the pilot answered. "She didn't believe me when I told her I could redirect her ki flows."

Ritsuko would have been tempted to believe the young man had it not been for the fact that she could see Misato's lingerie on the floor and the contented smile on the purple haired woman's face. "It looks more like you were breaking several sexual harassment laws."

"Looks can be deceiving," Shinji countered as he laid the now sleeping captain on the floor as gently as he could. "I mean, you look stern at first glance, but I can tell that you're slightly jealous of Misato here because your last sexual encounter wasn't very good."

"That's not true!" the lab coat clad woman lied angrily.

"It is," the former student of Happosai insisted in a childish fashion. "I can tell these things. I bet he never even once touched your clit. What? Are you surprised that I know about foreplay?"

"Err…" Ritsuko's cheeks flushed at her roommate's words.

"Just what kind of self-centred asshole are you sleeping with, Ritsuko?" Shinji asked, folding his arms over his chest.

"That's none of your concern!"

"It is when my friend's not getting her itches properly scratched," the pilot replied. "I don't want you taking advantage of me at home just because you're not happy with the cock in your life."

"I'm not that kind of woman!" the blonde insisted, the volume of her voice waking up Misato.

"Hmm, Kaji, that was good," the Captain smiled dreamily. She opened her eyes and frowned. "What are you doing here, Ritsuko?"

"You're at NERV, Misato," the blonde replied in a venomous tone.

"You mean I wasn't having the time of my sex-life with Kaji? What a gyp!"

"Nope, you only had a quick massage from me, sorry about that," Shinji apologised with a smile. "But if you want, my 'special' services are available for a price…"

Misato seemed to consider that idea for a moment. "Wait, you're just a kid! I can't do that kind of thing with you!"

"If you say so," the pilot shrugged, "but don't forget to put your bra and panties on."

Misato checked herself by patting down her body, much to the approval of the Anything Goes student.

"Pervert," the purple haired woman grumbled when she saw Shinji's grin.

"Yes, I always," he replied holding his hand out to help Misato up.

Ritsuko decided that she'd had enough of Shinji for the time being and left the smart mouthed pilot with her old friend.

* * *

Maya Ibuki wandered the corridors of NERV looking for sempai, though there were those that thought the young woman's affection for the scientist was a great deal more than professional respect.

She turned a corner and saw the upset blonde frowning.

"Is something wrong, Sempai?"

"What? Oh, it's you Maya, what're the diagnostic results from Unit-01's control systems?" Ritsuko asked with a forced smile.

"Err, here they are, Sempai," the young lieutenant replied as she handed her a folder.

"Hmm. They seem to be well within parameters, perhaps we should have Shinji go through a few tests later?" the blonde asked absently.

"To help him familiarise himself with the workings?" Maya asked, her attention being drawn away from her sexy supervisor to the voluptuous captain that looked content. "Is that Shinji-kun she was with in there?"

"What? Oh, Misato and Shinji? Yeah, they seem to be getting along better," the woman in the labcoat sighed as she reached for her cigarettes.

* * *

Shinji saw the two technical staff talking and whispered into Misato's left ear. "Misato-san, I reckon that Ritsuko's last sexual encounter was substandard."

"What?" the Captain spluttered.

"My training's telling me that Ritsuko's wasn't satisfied the last time she got it on with a bloke."

"Your training?" Misato asked suspiciously.

"Yeah," the young Ikari nodded. "I bet you could get an answer from her, what with you being her friend and all. How about this, if you can get the truth, and I'm right, I'll treat you to a nice romantic evening out. You know, dinner, movie, that sort of thing."

"And if you're wrong?" Misato asked with an inquisitive smirk.

"I'll be your domestic servant for the day."

"The weekend."

"Then I want this date to be a full one, with dancing after the meal," Shinji negotiated. "I'll even pick up the tab."

"Ok," the Captain nodded. "You want proof of this conversation? You know a tape recording or something?"

"No, your word's good enough for me," the pilot answered. "But I'll ask her at dinner tonight, so you've got until then to get me an answer."

"Why not ask her yourself?" the purple haired woman asked, turning to face Shinji. "You could save yourself some money."

"She wouldn't answer me when I asked her while you were napping. Besides, I thought you'd like the chance to win a free night out," Shinji smirked.

"Ok," Misato nodded. "So what happens if you're right? Aside from you being several thousand yen poorer?"

"You don't expect me to reveal all of my plans, do you?"

* * *

After lunch, Misato knocked on Ritsuko's office door.

"Enter."

"Hi, Ritsuko, can I ask your advice on something?" the purple-haired lovely asked.

"I suppose so. What's up?" the blonde scientist asked as she reached for her tobacco.

Misato closed the door behind her and took a deep breath. "I was talking with Shinji earlier and we kind of made a bet."

The smoking woman sighed and shook her head. "Misato, what are we going to do with you?"

"The thing is he insists that you're not having much fun in the bedroom and he asked me to find out. If he's wrong, then he agreed to be my domestic help for the weekend."

"And if he's right?" Ritsuko asked before taking a deep drag on her cigarette.

"Well, he sort of offered to take me out for a date," Misato explained. "You know, dinner, movie, dancing – the works. It'd be sweet if he wasn't such a pervert."

"I see. And assuming that I agree to reveal this humiliating fact, and let's not kid ourselves, this is a pretty personal area of discussion," the blonde stated in a deadpan fashion, "What do I get out of it?"

"Err – I'm not entirely sure," the Captain admitted.

Ritsuko pointed angrily at her college friend. "You're not thinking things through properly again, are you Misato? Pandering to his ego is one thing, but you're practically telling him that as long as I get off properly, it's ok for him to intrude on my personal life. I'm not having that. Go away and tell that little pervert he needs to find new accommodation for tomorrow."

"But–" the purple haired soldier protested.

"I'm too busy to care," the scientist replied as she glanced at her watch. "I need to check up on Rei's condition. You can put him up if you like; I don't particularly care where he stays in Tokyo-3."

Misato sighed. "Ok. I'll give him the bad news."

* * *

"Damned Ikaris will be the death of me," Ritsuko muttered under her breath as she strode to the hospital wing of NERV headquarters.

Knocking on the door, the doctor announced herself to the injured pilot.

"Enter."

"How are you feeling, Rei?"

"I am recovering well, Dr. Akagi," the blue-haired girl answered. "May I ask you a few questions?"

"Yeah," the blonde nodded absently. "What do you want to know?"

"I spoke with Pilot Ikari earlier and our meeting has elicited new and unusual sensations. After he touched my left hand, I thought I had soiled myself because of the damp patch between my legs," Rei explain in her usual calm and collected tone. "I was most surprised to discover that it was not urine."

"This is not happening," Ritsuko told herself as she rubbed the bridge of her nose.

Rei's follow up question had the blonde reaching for her cigarettes. "Dr. Akagi, is it possible that I had an orgasm?"

"Why is the universe mocking me like this?"

"Dr. Akagi?" the injured girl asked as her visitor's shoulders slumped. "Is something the matter? Was I mistaken in my analysis?"

"I don't know, Rei," the smoking woman sighed. "Can you show me what he did to your hand?"

"I will not be able to fully recreate the experience, but I will do the best I can," the blue-haired girl cautioned.

Ritsuko seemed nonplussed by the injured pilot's ministrations at first, but she slowly warmed to the gentle manipulation.

"Not bad, but I don't think I'm going to climax any time soon," the scientist drawled. "Did he do anything else to you?"

"No, but I would not object if Pilot Ikari wished to touch me like that again."

"I see, well, I need to discuss something with the Commander," Ritsuko said as she stood to leave. "I'll see you later."

* * *

Gendo sat in his office digesting the report that the woman in front of him had just finished giving him.

"Rei has indicated that she wants to sexually experiment with the Third Child?"

"Yes," Ritsuko nodded solemnly. "What do you plan to do about it?"

The bearded man frowned as he realised that one aspect of his late wife was coming to the surface. And it was not something that he wanted to deal with. "Replace her. Activate another clone. Bandage her up like this one as to allay suspicion, but keep her away from the Third Child. Is that understood?"

"Yes, sir," the blonde nodded before turning on her heel.

'Yui and her damned sexual appetite, I had to keep putting bromide in her food to keep her from ravaging me in my sleep,' Gendo recalled with a sigh. 'I hope that the replacement won't have that problem.'

* * *

Shinji rubbed his chin as he digested the announcement Misato had given him.

"Oh well, it's not like I was planning to stay there," the pilot shrugged. "Have you found me a place to stay yet?"

"Err, no," the purple haired woman admitted. "Do you have any problem with moving in with me?"

"Ritsuko did mention that your place is a bombsite," Shinji said with narrowed eyes. "But I can forgive a multitude of sins if I'm getting something in return."

"What sort of thing were you thinking of?" Misato asked suspiciously. "I don't know what kind of woman you think I am, but I'm not the kind of girl that spreads her legs for just any man."

"I never said you were," the young Ikari said in a placating tone. "I mean someone as attractive as you surely already has a boyfriend."

"Flattery will get you nowhere," the Captain warned, though her tone was pleasant.

* * *

When Ritsuko's distasteful task was complete, the bottle blonde checked her watch. "Rei should be coming around any moment now," she thought as she reached for her tobacco. "Damn, I'm all out."

Leaving the bowels of NERV, the sexy scientist walked up to her office. She wasn't exactly pleased to see the Commander's son standing at her door with an amused look on his face.

"What do you want, Ikari-kun?" Ritsuko demanded.

"You wound me by being so formal, Ritsuko-san," Shinji replied in mock hurt. "I just wanted to know when I'll be getting my own place."

"I don't know," the blonde answered with gritted teeth. "Is there anything else?"

"When can I see Rei again?"

"If you're referring to a social setting, then the answer is never. Commander's orders," Dr. Akagi stated with a tone that suggested that she was pleased with the idea of Shinji not getting his own way.

"Boo," the young Ikari pouted. "Well, since that's not an option, what do you want for dinner? It's the least I could do for offending you earlier."

"Hmm, steak or sukiyaki," Ritsuko answered. "I haven't had a decent piece of meat for some time…"

"I'll see what I can do about getting you some beefcake," Shinji winked.

"Believe it or not, not every woman in Tokyo-3 is into straight shota," the bottle blonde sighed.

"I know that – statistically at least one person in the city is into lolicon," the pilot smirked.

"You're not as funny as you think you are, Ikari-kun," Ritsuko replied, her eyes narrowed. "Now, can I get back to work?"

Shinji frowned slightly, but nodded. "I'll let you get on."

* * *

Misato smiled apologetically at Shinji when he exited the scientist's office.

"Sorry about getting you kicked out."

"Meh, don't worry about it. I was going to move out soon anyway," the pilot shrugged. "NERV is planning on upholding its part of the bargain, isn't it?"

"What? Who told you that we weren't going to do what we said we were?" the purple haired officer demanded.

"No-one, but I've not seen any progress on the matter," Shinji replied. "But that's enough of that. I need to do some shopping; it's my turn to cook tonight."

"Is there space for me to join you for dinner this evening?" Misato asked, her hinting not exactly subtle.

"Misato-san, if it was up to me, they'd be room for the three of us every night, but I don't think that Ritsuko-san's in the mood for a threesome tonight," the perverted Ikari answered. "I'm trying to get in her good books – asking things like that isn't the way forward."

The tactical officer blinked as Shinji walked away to find his jacket. "Hey! That's not what I meant!"

* * *

Rei Ayanami woke up in her hospital room. Looking down, she noticed that her right arm and right eye were bandaged up.

The pilot frowned until her cell phone rang.

"Rei Ayanami speaking."

"¬Rei, this is Commander Ikari. You are to maintain the illusion that you are injured until further notice. You are also forbidden from socialising with the Third Child. Do you understand?¬"

"I do," the blue haired girl replied. "What is the purpose of this deception and separation?"

"¬You do not need to know at this time,¬" Gendo said sternly.

"I see," Rei acknowledged. "I will pretend to be hurt and I will avoid the Third Child until further notice."

"¬Good.¬"

As the call ended, Rei pondered why there seemed to be a gap in her memory. 'I remember strange physical sensations when I was visited by Pilot Ikari, but I cannot ask him about them. Perhaps I can research this with the assistance of another?'

* * *

Shinji perused the meat counter of the local convenience store, considering the options Ritsuko had given him earlier.

The store was out of the larger cuts of meat, leaving the pilot to decide that sukiyaki was the main course for the evening meal.

Putting a packet of beef into the basket, he turned to pick up some vegetables from the greengrocer's section. As Shinji examined the onions, he pondered what his best course of action was for seducing the hot blonde who was evicting him in the morning.

'I think that I'd be best off giving her a massage,' the reluctant pilot mused. 'Then I think she should be sufficiently warmed up for the Full Monty.'

Quickly finishing his shopping, Shinji left for the apartment and began to cook a sumptuous meal for the beautiful scientist.

* * *

Ritsuko Akagi yawned tiredly as she unlocked the door to her apartment. Slipping off her shoes, she sniffed the air.

"Hmm, that smells good, Shinji," the faux blonde called out to the kitchen.

"Welcome back, Ritsuko-san. Dinner will be ready in about five minutes, so why don't you go freshen up and I'll start serving," Shinji replied before he tasted the sukiyaki broth one last time. "Perfection."

A couple of minutes later, the young Ikari was pouring Ritsuko a glass of wine for her meal.

"I don't recall asking for wine, Shinji-kun," Dr. Akagi said as she took her seat.

"That's true, but I thought that you might like this with the sukiyaki," Shinji replied without missing a beat. "I'm pretty sure that you'll like this, it was in your cupboard. No, it's not the most expensive one in there."

"That's good to hear," Ritsuko answered as she took a sniff. She sipped the red wine. "Hmm, not a bad choice for beef, Shinji-kun."

"Thanks. Shall we begin?"

There was not much in the way of conversation as the hungry scientist rapidly devoured her meal. "That was excellent, Shinji-kun. Where did you learn to cook like that?"

"Here and there," the pilot replied with a non-committal shrug. "How would you like a massage?"

"How do I know that this isn't just an excuse for you to cop a feel?" Ritsuko asked as she reached for her cigarettes.

"Because that comes later," Shinji answered honestly. "I'll be honest with you – I want to make love to you tonight. Not only because I don't want to move, but mainly because I think you're a beautiful woman who needs to be loved."

"You're not getting in my panties, Shinji-kun," the bottle blonde scolded.

"That's fair enough, I mean, I'd take the same stance in your position, Ritsuko-san. I'll just do you neck and shoulders, and if you like that, then we'll take it from there. How's that sound?" the young Ikari asked with an honest smile.

Ritsuko moved her neck from side to side as she mulled the offer over. "What the hey, go on then, Shinji-kun. Make my tension melt away."

"With pleasure, Ritsuko-san," Shinji smiled as he began rubbing his hands together to warm them up.

Soon, the bottle blonde was sighing softly as Shinji showed her his skills from his days at the massage parlour, the young man's nimble, dextrous fingers were working at the tense muscles in her neck and easing gently down to her shoulders.

"Ooooh, you're good, Shinji-kun," Ritsuko purred happily. When the masseuse stopped, she turned to see him standing there with a smile on his face. "What did you stop for?"

"I'm done. Unless you want me to give you the works…"

"Go on then, let's go to my room and we can do it on my bed."

* * *

In Ritsuko's bedroom, the bottle blonde was lying on the bed with Shinji straddling her at the waist as he gently worked his magic into the muscles in her back.

"Too the left a bit, Shinji-kun. About five centimetres."

"Just here?" Shinji asked as he moved over to massage where the ribcage ended.

"Perfect…"

Shinji decided that now was the right time to bring up his impending move. "You do realise that I'm not going to be able to do this for you after tonight if I move out. And Misato has offered to take me in until I get my apartment sorted."

"You're not going anywhere, Shinji-kun," Ritsuko replied. "Except for maybe working on my feet. I've had a long day in those shoes."

"But of course Ritsuko-san," the amateur masseuse smiled as he began to rub the ball of the scientist's right foot. "Is this ok?"

"Yes."

Shinji continued to work out the tightness in the woman's feet for a few more minutes until he declared that he had finished. "Time's up, Ritsuko. That's half an hour of the works. If you want more, then that's what we call the happy ending. But you turned that down earlier…"

"I did?" the bottle blonde asked with a goofy smile on her face. She frowned when she lifted herself up to see Shinji preparing to leave and noticed the dampness in her panties. "Do you know what you did to me?"

Shinji placed a hand on the door handle before turning to face his roommate. "I know exactly what I did to you, Ritsuko-san. If you really want to stick with your original answer, then I'll see you in the morning before we go our separate ways. If you've changed your mind, then I'm ready, willing and able to see to your needs."

Ritsuko was torn. On the one hand, she was well and truly turned on at the moment, so if she didn't take her roommate up on his offer, she'd have to break out one of her toys. But on the other, he was just FOURTEEN and she was sleeping with his father just a few hours earlier.

Not wanting to completely ruin his chances with the sexy scientist, the young Ikari decided to take her indecision as a "no" and closed the gap between the two of them and kissed her on the forehead. "I'll see you in the morning, Ritsuko-san."

"Wait," the bottle blonde said as she held onto the pilot. "I do want this, Shinji-kun. Make love to me, please."

Shinji gently kissed Ritsuko again. This time it was on the lips. "If you're sure about this, then I'll make you feel good, Ritsuko-san."

"Take me, Shinji-kun. Make me glad to be a woman," Dr. Akagi whispered breathlessly.

* * *

Ritsuko's alarm sounded its most unwanted call at 7.15am, causing the blonde to pause when she wasn't able to switch it off, yet the infernal device was still silenced.

"Good morning, Ritsuko-san," Shinji greeted with a kiss to the scientist's neck. "I trust that you slept well."

"Hmm, very well, Shinji-kun," the naked woman smiled. "Thank you for last night. Will you accept my apology and stay with me?"

The pilot smiled warmly at his latest conquest. "Can we have repeat performances of last night?"

"I think so, but there's something that I need to tell you, and that might change your mind," Ritsuko said with a wince.

"That's ok, Ritsuko-san," Shinji said in a soothing tone as he stroked the dyed blonde hair on the scientist's face. "We all have things that we want kept secret."

* * *

To be continued…

This was pre-read by Chi Vayne and previewed on Hawk's forum. You should check it out when you get the chance.

Can't think of anything else to add here, so I'll catch you all laterer.


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